10 Reasons You Should NOT Be In A Brotherhood Group

Bart Lillie

Restoration Project Advocate Bart Lillie of Erie, CO is currently pulling together a group of men to journey through the Brotherhood Primer. He recently wrote the following email to those considering joining him.

The Brotherhood Primer is a 10-week journey into masculine friendship, and it’s not for the faint of heart. “Men become men through other men,” and it is through an intentional journey toward brotherhood and a mutual sharing of stories that men find their own lives and face their own souls. Bart’s words are true, honest, and downright hilarious.




Bart’s 10 Reasons You Should NOT Be In A Brotherhood Group


1. You might fail.

If you start with good intentions, only to bail halfway through, you’ll be branded a quitter. Best not to “try,” rather than to take a risk and fail. Taking risks can get you hurt.

2. The reward is unknown.

You don’t know where you’ll end up with this group, and when you get there you might not like it. And you may not like the journey either. It’s best to just spend some more time on the couch with some video games (because you know where you’ll end up there and winning is easier).

New Primer Cover 3d3. Do you really want to be that naked?

These are real men you will be doing this with. You will be sharing your story, which includes your good times and hard times. You know you… you’ve got warts, issues, crap galore… you’re probably going to be the blackest sheep in the circle. Do you really want to go there in front of other men?

4. Change is hard.

In fact, it can be downright destructive. If you start down this path, you are making a choice to change your direction. And it can blow up your life… the way you work, the way you relate to your wife and kids, and the way you see yourself. It’s safer to stay in the status quo and not rock the boat. In fact, don’t even change your direction to get in a boat.

5. The truth is hard.

If you avoid the questions, you can avoid having to lie to yourself and everyone else around you. You already know that you won’t talk about “that” part of you, so why put yourself in a position to have to dodge the question? What good can come from honesty? Truth won’t set you free in this area of your life.

6. You don’t have time.

“I don’t have time right now.” This is probably the most obvious reason. Really? Like you have 5+ hours a week to add something new in your life? There’s probably a better season for you to do this… when things settle down. Especially not during ski season. Maybe this summer… or next year… or after the kids are older… or after they move out…

7. This sounds too religious.

Jesus was against religion. He was also pretty hard on religious people. What if this journey turns you into a religious freak that Jesus constantly speaks out against? Besides, what about the people around you… what will they think? You are not going to be a Jesus freak.

8. You need to put your family first.

Yup, you got it. Friends are not as important as family. And you are already way too invested in other “important” things. You only have a couple hours of free time per week, and it needs to go to your family right? Because certainly your family needs to come before your friends… and work… and sports… and exercise… and walking the dog. There’s not enough time in your schedule.

9. Friendships aren’t worth it.

People flake out. There’s a good chance that people in this group will flake out. There’s even a good chance that you will flake out. When you put your trust in other people, you end up getting burned. You’ve got scars and stories to prove it. Best to not add to that list. Don’t get hurt by someone again.

10. You’ve got it all figured out already.

You say: “I’m good. I’ve got it figured out already, at least good enough for me. I’ve done some ‘soul work,’ been to the retreat, got the tattoo/necklace/t-shirt. In fact, I’ve even been to counseling. I could probably join the group to help everyone out, but I am not sure that I’d get much out of it. I don’t need this.” Good for you… you don’t need this. Don’t start.

To take the leap into a Brotherhood Group is a big one. So don’t even try.

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