An Open Letter to a Porn Addict Husband

This week, we are honored to have a brave and beautiful woman share a window into her pain, confusion, desire and hope with regard to her husband’s pornography addiction. Join us as we pray for her, for him, and for all of us seeking wholeness in this life. For the sake of their hearts and story, she has asked to remain anonymous.


I stumbled across the pictures on the computer. It’s not the first time. You probably did your best to hide it, but there they were in front of my face getting etched into my brain — their naked bodies, their sexy poses.

I know who I am in Christ — that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. I am beautiful. But, all that gets distorted and foggy when I see those girls. The lies are screaming in my ears — they are so loud and so convincing.

woman roseYou will never look like her.
She has a better body than you.
She can turn him on more than you can!
You are ugly.
You are NOT ENOUGH!

You have told me over and over that this addiction has nothing to do with me. We have a great sex-life, we are crazy about one another, you love me and my body. But this evil creeps in and spills throughout our whole home and the domino effect starts. Your sin leads to my sin and it’s an ugly web I want out of now.

I can’t breathe.

I’m dizzy from spinning around in anger, hurt and despair. How many times do I have to catch you? How many times do we have to go through this agonizing cycle — you hiding your secret, me finding out, you apologizing, me forgiving, trying to get back to normal only for it to start all over again?

I feel cheated on and betrayed.

Even if it wasn’t a live person, you still had your eyes on another woman — you stared at her and let her turn you on in ways that are reserved only for ME — your wife, your best friend, your lover. Our intimacy is far more beautiful and greater than this fantasy.

You want me to trust you, but I don’t know how.

Anytime you are on a screen, anytime you are home alone, anytime you are up too late at night or too early in the morning I am worried that your eyes are falling on another woman. After years of “catching you” –- how can I believe that you aren’t?

I am scared.

What is this doing to our marriage? What if our kids see what you have seen? If I can accidentally catch you, so can they!
Most of all, I am heartbroken. Can you see that?

My Heart. Is. Breaking.

Not just for myself, but for you. Some idiot exposed you to this too early in your life and now it’s your coping mechanism. You are overwhelmed and stressed and this is how you escape. You are choosing a moment of escape over a heart and a story restored.

Porn is evil. It has come to steal, kill and destroy you. As the man I love and adore, I can’t stand to watch it anymore.
Can you please get help? Can you work through your story?

For me.
For us.
For YOU.

 


Friends, far too many women agonize in silence as they experience the confusing revelation of their husband’s pornography use and/or addiction. This dear woman is so very correct: evil seeks to steal innocence, kill hope and destroy love, and his dangerous crosshairs are set on the most God-reflecting places on earth — marital intimacy.

Please, let’s all work through our stories of brokenness and captivity. For me. For us. For YOU.

Thank you, my friend, for what you have offered here. You give words to the quiet desperation of so very many. Thanks.


As a resource for those seeking restoration and wholeness, consider joining Restoration Counseling for the following group.

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