Learning the Art of Letting Go
I can remember holding our first-born daughter in my arms like it was yesterday. Quite often, people from church would come up and say, “Enjoy this time. They grow up so quickly.” I couldn’t even comprehend what they were saying. How could this infant that is so dependent upon my wife and I, one day be off on her own?
18 years, and 3 more kids later, last fall my wife, Aimee and I sent our oldest daughter, Selah off to her first year of Art School in “the big city” an hour away from us. It might as well have been on the other side of the country, because that is what it felt like. As a father, I wondered if I had done enough to prepare her for this big change in her life? Did I maximize these 18 years with her, and will she be okay? These questions stirred deep within me in this season of transition.
As she settled into her downtown apartment, she was barraged by so many new experiences. There were 3 other students living with her that she had never met, and as an introvert, it was really difficult for her to warm up to them. She began to get acquainted with public transportation, learned when and how to safely navigate a big city with so many people, and had to figure out how to take care of herself away from those who loved her back at home. It was A LOT for her to adjust to.
It’s been six months since we dropped her off, and honestly, it has been a downright difficult season. There have been many phone calls with tears. She has struggled physically, mentally, emotionally, with homesickness, and also with making meaningful connections with her peers. Even within the past three weeks, she has faced obstacles out of her control that have nearly caused her to break down altogether.
Since dropping her off, there have been many times my wife and I have weighed decisions of making the drive and coming to the rescue or letting her learn to navigate life’s adversities on her own. They have been impossible decisions to make at times – and we have probably have not always made the right ones. We feel like we are in this strange new land of caring for her as well as we can, yet also learning to let go and allowing her to become stronger in who she is.
When I think about those questions from six months ago, I know there have been times in my journey where I surely have answered those questions very unkindly toward myself. Even this week I have had my doubts, but I feel like the Father has been kind to me as I have processed. Have I really done enough as Selah’s dad to prepare her for this big change in her life? The answer is probably no. Honestly, I had no idea all that she would face within this first year away from home. But I am still learning. I still get the honor of walking with her through it at times, and other times being the loving arms that hold her after she struggles walking through on her own.
Did I maximize these 18 years with her, and will she be okay? I believe the answer is yes – on both counts. I haven’t been perfect by far, but Selah knows that I love her deeply and I will always be there for her. I am so proud of the person she is becoming, and the trials she has courageously overcome already in these first 18½ years of her life. I am honored to be her dad.
Your family may be in a different stage than our family is, but you are likely learning the art of letting go in some form. When you ask yourself those questions of “have I done enough” and “will they be okay” are you able to let the grace and kindness of a loving Father into your answer? What does it look like right now as a father to balance between coming to their rescue, and allowing them to struggle on their own?
Michael Krommendyk, Administrative Assistant
