It was sticky, and delicious. And free! But my daughter wasn’t convinced. She just shook her head and clamped her mouth shut.

Like on many other occasions, she stuck her foot in the ground and would NOT even try it. Until I basically forced her to take a bite.

We were at a local festival and maker fair where a Turkish man had set up a booth and was giving away samples of baklava. We all took a sample, and it was good!

Once she finally tasted it, she went back for her own sample. Often she is just stubborn like that. She decides she doesn’t like something she’s never even tasted before, even when trusted people around her tell her it is good and offer her a taste. Maybe your kid is like that too? Does it kind of drive you a little nuts? I mean, I can understand not liking things- but deciding that before even tasting it? And besides, baklava is dessert! Who doesn’t like sugar??

But in reality, I’m the same way.

I don’t do well with receiving. Plenty of story there, but suffice it to say that I have a hardwired presumption that there is a lot of goodness in this world for everyone else, but not really for myself. I find it hard to receive a compliment, a gift, or a kind gesture. Apparently my “but” is too big- skepticism is strong in me.

As you might imagine, for anyone trying to be kind, it really puts them in a bind. I might jump to the thought that, “they are just doing this because they want to check the box” or “because it’s what they are supposed to do.” On top of that, I learned at some point that being needy isn’t really ok- at least not for me. And to receive and enjoy kindness is basically equivalent to admitting need. It’s actually vulnerable to be needy. It is vulnerable and even scary to allow myself to receive a kindness, believing that it is simply because someone wants something good for me because they love me.

And there it is… the “L” word. What it comes down to is a lack of belief that I am truly loved (not just appreciated for what I do) or that people have capacity and desire to share love with me. Because of that, I must protect myself from feeling the pain of disappointment and discouragement.

Stubbornly keeping that wall up keeps me from feeling the pain, but it also keeps me from experiencing goodness and love. I have people all around me trying to offer me a taste of delicious, sticky goodness, but more often than not, my self-protective survival strategy sticks it’s foot in the ground and decides its not worth the risk. My defense mechanism has become an idol that keeps me from Love.

How do you find yourself engaging in the sin of self-protection?

How might you choose to drop the walls and vulnerably receive some love today?

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Cody Buriff, Chief of Resources and Experiences