Broken Mirror

He was once a man that refused to see his own brokenness. He had nearly convinced himself that brokenness didn’t even exist. Instead, he was a man that barely resembled the person that God intended him to be.

He was covered in armor and masks designed to protect his heart, or so he thought. He was becoming what the world wanted him to become. Perfection, well at least on the outside. But he was losing himself in the process. He was merely protecting a false illusion of himself. You see, he didn’t know any better. He didn’t know any other way.

He grew up isolated and alone within his family. He was never told who he was or who he would one day would become. He wasn’t seen when he needed to be seen. He wasn’t affirmed when he needed to be affirmed. He wasn’t held when he needed to be held. He wasn’t loved when he needed to be loved. His own needs were to be invisible, because he was more attuned to his caregivers than they were to him. But it wasn’t always like that. And it was never supposed to be that way.

I believe that when we are born, we are born as a nearly perfect reflection of the image of Christ. I think of it as a flawless mirror that reflects the creative power and beauty of the Lord, perfectly, as He intended. But we are born into a sinful world surrounded by imperfect people. Our mirrors begin to change quickly. They begin to crack and distort that reflection.

My mirror began deteriorating early in life when there was a lack of attunement and containment within my own home. I can see small cracks beginning to form in my mirror. I see larger cracks forming in childhood when my parents were too busy to see me, when they missed my first home-run in baseball, my straight-A’s in school. When I was bullied in school. When I was exposed to pornography. When I witnessed my best friend get hit by a car and almost die.

These traumatic events in our lifetime crack our mirrors. This is where the enemy is hiding. He targets these cracks and begins to work on them. He begins to alter our interpretation of these events and our reality. Then begins the formation of the lies that we believe. This is when the real damage takes place. Our mirrors begin to fracture. As a result, we lose pieces of our mirror. Those parts of our mirrors no longer reflect the image of God. The pieces that we lose are labeled with the lies, agreements and vows that we come to believe. “I’m not good enough; I’m not loved; I’m invisible; I’m alone; I will never let them hurt me; I will be better than them”.

Our society teaches us that brokenness is bad. If something breaks, we go out and buy a new one. We replace it with something else. But those broken pieces remain broken, we just can’t see it anymore. This is where the enemy hides, waiting to collect more pieces of us, to keep us from God’s glory. To hide and isolate our brokenness, so we ignore it. Over time, we may forget those pieces of us even exist. We may try to find those pieces and replace them in our mirror, but the enemy continues to convince us that they don’t belong there, and we eventually agree and they keep falling out, no matter how many times we try to replace them.

We are all broken people. Until we acknowledge our own brokenness we will be blind to it, blind to the effects of that brokenness. Remember, these pieces of us are lost in darkness, we need God’s light to help us find our brokenness. We need to find those pieces, and with God’s help, replace those pieces, so that we can begin reflecting that Glory within us, the way that God intended. We can’t do this on our own. We must allow God and those closest to us into our hearts, into our brokenness, in order for us to experience the healing power of redemption. God didn’t create us to live in isolation. We were designed to love and be loved. We were designed to live life in community. German Philosopher Josef Pieper writes compellingly about the powerful connection between God’s love and the love of another person:

“It does not suffice to us simply to exist; we can do that anyhow. What matters to us, beyond mere existence, is the explicit confirmation: It is good that you exist; how wonderful that you are! In other words, what we need over and above sheer existence is: to be loved by another person. That is an astonishing fact when we consider it closely. Being created by God actually does not suffice, it would seem; the fact of creation needs continuation and perfection by the creative power of human love… A man succeeds in fully existing and feeling at home in the world only when he is “being confirmed” by the love of another.”

God didn’t cause us to be broken, but he won’t waste our brokenness. He will use our brokenness to heal others. God will use our brokenness to reach other people that are lost, but we won’t be able to use our own brokenness to help others until we have begun to heal ourselves. Jesus doesn’t focus on, or shame us for who we were. He rejoices and celebrates who we are becoming.

Our broken mirrors will never go back together the way they were. The pieces won’t fit perfectly. But God has a plan for our brokenness. And the redemption of that brokenness. I believe He will create something even more beautiful than the original if we allow Him.

When I think of what my mirror will someday look like, I think of a beautiful mosaic art piece that God continues to add to and shape. I think of the quote from Michelangelo when he was sculpting David. He was asked how he did it and he replied “the sculpture is already complete within the marble block before I start my work. It is already there, I just had to chisel away the part that wasn’t David”. I believe God works in our lives in a very similar way. He knew before He started what He was creating in each of us and how He would bring those pieces together in the end.

It’s important to remember that no two mirrors will ever look the same. They will never reflect the same. Mirrors come in different sizes and different shapes. There are small mirrors, large mirrors, mirrors that magnify, mirrors that zoom out. They each have different purposes. God designed each one of us for a specific purpose. We are unique. Our brokenness is unique. With God, our brokenness has a chance of becoming beautiful!

I want to become a man that fully understands and appreciates his own brokenness. I want to be a man that leads people to and through their brokenness to a better life. I want to help them find their broken pieces and rewrite what they represent. I want to help empower them to become who God intended them to be.

What about you? How might you step into these broken spaces for yourself and also come alongside of the other men in your life?

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Drew Loftin, Grove Chaplain